First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes Baby | But what If I'm not Ready?


This article is one that I have wanted to write for quite a while now. I have scoured the internet for an article like this that would help me comprehend why I've felt the way I do about having children. However, I haven't really found any out there that address this issue. Except one place and that is on my church website. I am a member of "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints" and I'm going to quote directly from the website. The first thing it says is that "Children are one of the greatest blessings in life, and their birth into loving and nurturing families is central to God’s purposes for humanity." This is something I know to be true from the bottom of my heart. I've always known it. I have always wanted a big family ever since I can remember. I love children and cannot wait for the day that I get to hold a beautiful new baby in my arms. This strong desire and the push from the world around me to hurry up and have a baby before my eggs dry up is one of the reasons it's been so hard to understand why I haven't been ready to make that leap. 


There seems to be this step by step process: fall in love, get married, and then start popping out babies as soon as possible. That last step is where i'm at but it been really hard for my husband and I to take that leap. Everyone is so different and the timing for when those things happen is very different. So why is there this huge push once your married to hurry up and have babies? I think starting a family is an amazing blessing and one that will bring a happiness greater that any happiness out there. lds.org says, "When husband and wife are physically able, they have the privilege and responsibility to bring children into the world and to nurture them." Having children is huge! It's one of the greatest blessing that we as humans can have. Bringing a life into this world is a big decision and not one that you can just turn back. 


So why have my husband and I feel like we should wait? Well this is a hard questions to answer. I could go on and on with reasons we have waited but it all comes down to one thing. We weren't ready. "The decision of how many children to have and when to have them is a private matter for the husband and wife." (lds.org) This statement is one that has really stuck with me. That decision is between husband and wife. The outside world has no say in the matter or at least shouldn't. 


Over the last 3 1/2 years my husband and I have gone through lots of ups and downs. When I look back at how young our relationship was when we were first married and how much it has grown since then I can't help but see how much we were not ready for children. We dated for about 6 months before getting married and during that time we never even lived in the same town. We barely knew each other at all. We were in love and so happy with each other however there was still a lot for us to learn. If we were to have had a baby right away all of our focus would have been turned to the child and I imagine our relationship would have suffered. Relationships take a good foundation and a lot of work. With our short background and so little time knowing each other we needed to build our foundation and make it strong before we begin to build onto it.


This is why the decision of when to have children is so different for everyone. I believe that a strong foundation is so important and each couple has to decide on their own terms when their foundation is ready for building. I don't think there is any right or wrong time for a married man and women to build their family but the key is that it is up to them.  


Reference :https://www.lds.org/topics/birth-control?lang=eng#scriptures

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